


DC Stands for Drabbles Collection

by EldritchSandwich



Series: DC United [16]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Fluffy Sandwich, Gen, Random & Short, Vampires, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29057844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich
Summary: I'm starting to accumulate little scraps of DCU stuff related to my DC United series, so this is where they're going to go.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas
Series: DC United [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964518
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Brotherly Love

"You'll never take me!" A gout of fire split the dank Gotham night, followed shortly by the crack of a gunshot. "Ow! You shot me! What the hell, man!"

As Firefly careened to the ground, the Red Hood casually stepped around him and pistol-whipped him in the back of the head, knocking him out but not killing him. Probably. Hopefully. That done, he turned to regard the black-and-blue clad figure lying on the pavement.

"You alive or what?" Nightwing thrust up his thumb. "Lucky I was here to save your ass, huh?" The thumb was replaced with a finger. "Seriously, you're good?"

Nightwing sat up with a groan, glancing down at his still-smoking costume. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Let's hear it for the fireproof suit, huh?"

Red Hood chuckled. "Yeah, you're lucky he didn't aim for that greasy-ass hair or you woulda gone up like a match."

Nightwing snorted, then sniffed. "Is it weird that I'm craving barbecue now?" Red Hood somehow, despite having his entire face covered, managed to convey that he was rolling his eyes. Nightwing grinned. "Actually, maybe we should just get some bleu cheese dressing, because right now I'm more of a...Hotwing."

Red Hood sighed. "Yeah, okay, next time I'm leaving you to die."


	2. The Exception that Proves the Rule

"I'm telling you, it's the perfect time to hit Gotham! Don't you watch the news? Batman's in space with the Justice League fighting a giant starfish or whatever."

"Hey...yeah, you're right! Gotham's completely undefended! I mean, except for Robin."

"Yeah, sure, but he's just a little kid, it's not like—

"Oh, and Nightwing. Batgirl. Spoiler. Black Bat. Red Robin. Signal."

"Okay, you made your point—"

"Batwoman. Huntress. The Question. Red Hood. Bluebird. Batwing. Misfit. The Creeper. Bat-Cow."

"Okay there's no way you're not making some of those—"

"Not to mention the Gotham City Sirens, the Joker, and thirty or forty other rogues who'd liquefy your ass in two seconds for trying to pull something in their town without giving them a cut. But yeah, no. Let's go to Gotham. You go ahead first, scout it out. I'm sure that'll work out great for you."

"Man, I really hate you."


	3. Creature of the Night

"Bruce?"

Bruce didn't look up from the Batcomputer. "Dick."

"I was just reading an article I thought you might find interesting. About the various theories regarding the identity of the Batman."

"Well, that's not that interesting. I already know who Batman is."

Bruce didn't have to look at him to know Dick was rolling his eyes. "Bruce...are you aware that a majority of people are apparently under the impression that Batman...is a vampire?"

"Were you not?"

"That doesn't surprise you?"

"It's actually one of the more logical assumptions: seemingly superhuman strength and agility, inspires fear, only comes out at night, associated with bats. It makes sense when you think about it." Dick narrowed his eyes. Bruce still didn't look up from the Batcomputer. "Sometimes if they pull out a crucifix I'll hiss and hide behind my cape. Just to mess with their heads."


	4. Guy Talk

"Hey, Tim, can we talk for a sec? You know, bro to bro?"

Tim leaned back from the Batcomputer and turned to Duke, who was standing behind him half-in costume, half-out. "Yeah, sure, what's up bro?"

Duke scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I was, uh...wondering if you could just let me bounce some stuff off you real quick. See, there's this girl I've been texting with..."

Tim sighed and held up his hand. "Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there. I once fell for a girl who turned out to be a chunk of Clayface, and my ex is dating my sister. You don't want relationship advice from me." He nodded his head toward the cave's training area. "Dick's dating a literal alien supermodel, maybe ask him."

"The trick is to have the hottest chick you've ever seen walk right up to you and shove her tongue down your throat because that's how her species learns languages," Dick said casually as he swung upside down from the uneven bars. Duke frowned.

"Yeah, see, I don't really think that's reproducible."

Somehow, despite being upside down, Dick managed to shrug. "Not with that attitude."


End file.
